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homeschoolingfather



Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: north of Charlotte, NC

PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 9:21 pm    Post subject: Need Advice Reply with quote

Hey all--

I have lurked for a couple of years, but not posted over here. I post on the SL boards most often and also on the AHFH board (the former SLers board but it has grown beyond that ugly moment now.)

Anyway, here is my "problem" (if you can call it). I am the PHST. Both my wife and I are veterinarians, so I am a veterinarian 1 1/2 to 2 days a week and a teacher the other days. I have been the PHST since we started hs. We were overseas for 2 years when we first started and it made sense for me to do the hs (giftings and responsibilities).

I have 3 dc--ds, 12 yo; dd, 10 yo; ds, 8 yo. We spend about 6 hours a day doing school (total for all 3--2 different cores within SL). We have dance and sports many evenings, so usually one of them has something every night of the week. My wife gets home from work between 6 and 7pm most nights she works (she works 3 1/2 days weekly), so I usually start supper.

So here is lies my issue--my sons especially want "Dad" time after school and in the evenings. Sometimes I am tired and just need some "me" time. If I weren't the PHST and didn't have opportunity to spend 8-10 hours with them most days, then I would relish the time when I got home from work to do "Dad" activities that aren't school related. But since I have spent all day with them, many nights I would like to do what I want/need to do (probably more wants than needs).

So, if I am just whining, please be honest but gentle. If you have thoughts or encouragements, please let me know. If I just need a swift kick in the butt, then I guess go ahead. Wink

Thanks--Tim
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RB



Joined: 06 Apr 2006
Posts: 55

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 9:42 am    Post subject: Dad Time Reply with quote

I understand your desire for "me" time. We all need it. Unfortunately, finding it is very difficult. While my wife and I do carve out "mom" time, "me" time, and "mom and dad" time, the moments are few and far between. When we prioritize our time, finding "mom and dad" time is the most important for us, as we believe that we cannot provide our children with a happy home unless we tend to our friendship, keeping our marriage strong and healthy. You will find the best "me" time comes when ds, 8 yo becomes ds, 18 yo.

On a side note, I found your post a litle hard to follow because of your use of acronyms. What is "PHST," "SL boards," "AHFH board," and "3 dc?"


Last edited by RB on Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rich



Joined: 18 May 2005
Posts: 173
Location: Coastal New England

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Need Advice Reply with quote

homeschoolingfather wrote:
Hey all--

I have lurked for a couple of years, but not posted over here. I post on the SL boards most often and also on the AHFH board (the former SLers board but it has grown beyond that ugly moment now.)

Anyway, here is my "problem" (if you can call it). I am the PHST. Both my wife and I are veterinarians, so I am a veterinarian 1 1/2 to 2 days a week and a teacher the other days. I have been the PHST since we started hs. We were overseas for 2 years when we first started and it made sense for me to do the hs (giftings and responsibilities).

I have 3 dc--ds, 12 yo; dd, 10 yo; ds, 8 yo. We spend about 6 hours a day doing school (total for all 3--2 different cores within SL). We have dance and sports many evenings, so usually one of them has something every night of the week. My wife gets home from work between 6 and 7pm most nights she works (she works 3 1/2 days weekly), so I usually start supper.

So here is lies my issue--my sons especially want "Dad" time after school and in the evenings. Sometimes I am tired and just need some "me" time. If I weren't the PHST and didn't have opportunity to spend 8-10 hours with them most days, then I would relish the time when I got home from work to do "Dad" activities that aren't school related. But since I have spent all day with them, many nights I would like to do what I want/need to do (probably more wants than needs).

So, if I am just whining, please be honest but gentle. If you have thoughts or encouragements, please let me know. If I just need a swift kick in the butt, then I guess go ahead. Wink

Thanks--Tim



Hi Tim,

I follow behind RB in not knowing some of the acronyms, allthough I think I figured out Primary Home School Teacher. I agree too that although very necessary, your own personal time may lag behind that which you set aside for your wife and your kids, individually. RB says that the best quality time your time with your son may be when he's a teenager and I'm finding that to be true. Although those toddler years were pretty good too.

In our situation which in some ways resembles RB's, my wife and I prioritize our own time in order to ensure our family foundation. Throughout the day, I spend what time seems adequate individually with each child and we make an effort to have dinner together as a family, even if it's eight o'clock at night. Much has been written about the importance of eating as a family and having done it all along, we can see how it promotes family unity. We had a tradition of going around the table and sharing the best and worst things of the day but recently changed that. This new practice was brought home by our son who borrowed it from a part-time schooling program that he attended for a few years. We now go around the table and share these things; the best thing that happened, aka- the flower , the worst thing- the mosquito, what event taught you something- wise owl, and what are you looking foreward to tomorrow-the sunset. At the end of the day and often very late at night, I have my personal time.

This all varies throughout the week and sometimes fifteen minutes is enough. Of course, we all want more but we are grateful for what we have. I'm sure you've thought this through but indulge me a bit. Please be sensitive to your wife's need for some of her own personal time. You share a career in common so you know first hand the demands of the work. She puts in longh hours too with perhaps different challenges, but challenges just the same. She may come in the door and need her time right then.

I guess my bottom line is to keep communication channels wide open and stay flexible. Although I'm in my tenth year of homeschooling, each year has been different and so have the players.

Thanks for writing Tim, please stay in touch, and have a great year!

Rich
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homeschooling since '97: daughter, 18- away at college, son, 16 and daughter 13
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homeschoolingfather



Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: north of Charlotte, NC

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, thought the acronyms were fairly universal--

PHST--primary home school teacher
dc--dear children
ds/dd--dear son/dear daughter
SL--Sonlight website/discussion boards
AHFH--A Home For Homeschoolers discussion boards

I was trying to save time when I was typing.

Thanks for your responses. I will take your thoughts and advice to heart.

Will keep you updated.

Tim
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Rich



Joined: 18 May 2005
Posts: 173
Location: Coastal New England

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 2:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

homeschoolingfather wrote:
Sorry, thought the acronyms were fairly universal--

PHST--primary home school teacher
dc--dear children
ds/dd--dear son/dear daughter
SL--Sonlight website/discussion boards
AHFH--A Home For Homeschoolers discussion boards

I was trying to save time when I was typing.

Thanks for your responses. I will take your thoughts and advice to heart.

Will keep you updated.

Tim


Hi again, Tim,

Thanks for getting back with the defnintions- makes perfect sense now. The only homeschooling board that I regularly visit now is this one, so I don't get the exposure.

See ya,

Rich
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homeschooling since '97: daughter, 18- away at college, son, 16 and daughter 13
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