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Am I asking too much?

 
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BabyCatcher



Joined: 04 Nov 2006
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 11:54 pm    Post subject: Am I asking too much? Reply with quote

Ok here's the situation...I am the mom in this equation...our 3 children currently go to a private school. We're talking $10,000 or better each year. I am realizing that we don't have a quality life together. We need to spend so time being a family. God put home schooling on my heart in the last couple of weeks, but our situation is a little different (as is most of the situations here, I'm sure). I just graduated with my nursing degree that I have been working on for six years. Plus, just before got the "homeschooling bug" I just started a job in the dept that I have always wanted to work in (MATERNITY, if you couldn't tell Surprised). My husband has had TWO near fatal accidents in the last two years Crying or Very sad . He's a boat builder and to say the least we are lucky that he has been able to go back to work enough to allow me to finish school. He's not "disabled"...it's just building boats is a little much for him.

Now I am ready to go out and work BUT I also want to bring my kids home to school (all 3 of them 8, 5, 3). I also want my husband to quit his job in a little while and help me homeschool you know 50/50. You see I have to start on the night shift. Nurses only work 3 days/nights a week...so I will be around alot. And I know that with my degree I will be able to make enough money for our family. My question is am I asking too much for him to stay home with the kids and do this? He seems eager...but I dont want him to feel isolated. He's very good at taking care of the house. After typing this out to you I'm feeling better about it I just don't want to set any of us up for failure... How do you handle being the stay at home dad. Does it hurt your ego? Do you get teased by anyone? If so how do you handle it? HELP PLEASE!!!
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-Dawn
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Rich



Joined: 18 May 2005
Posts: 173
Location: Coastal New England

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 2:08 pm    Post subject: Re: Am I asking too much? Reply with quote

BabyCatcher wrote:
Ok here's the situation...I am the mom in this equation...our 3 children currently go to a private school. We're talking $10,000 or better each year. I am realizing that we don't have a quality life together. We need to spend so time being a family. God put home schooling on my heart in the last couple of weeks, but our situation is a little different (as is most of the situations here, I'm sure). I just graduated with my nursing degree that I have been working on for six years. Plus, just before got the "homeschooling bug" I just started a job in the dept that I have always wanted to work in (MATERNITY, if you couldn't tell Surprised). My husband has had TWO near fatal accidents in the last two years Crying or Very sad . He's a boat builder and to say the least we are lucky that he has been able to go back to work enough to allow me to finish school. He's not "disabled"...it's just building boats is a little much for him.

Now I am ready to go out and work BUT I also want to bring my kids home to school (all 3 of them 8, 5, 3). I also want my husband to quit his job in a little while and help me homeschool you know 50/50. You see I have to start on the night shift. Nurses only work 3 days/nights a week...so I will be around alot. And I know that with my degree I will be able to make enough money for our family. My question is am I asking too much for him to stay home with the kids and do this? He seems eager...but I dont want him to feel isolated. He's very good at taking care of the house. After typing this out to you I'm feeling better about it I just don't want to set any of us up for failure... How do you handle being the stay at home dad. Does it hurt your ego? Do you get teased by anyone? If so how do you handle it? HELP PLEASE!!!



Hi Dawn,

Wow, you're family has been through a lot recently and is now on the brink of more changes. Change is wide open opportunity for growth. You and your husband can certainly count on our support for homeschooling. Exactly how you go about doing that is up to you two. From what you write, It seems like a logical thing for him to eventually assume the home responsibilities while you remain in the career force. You can both share the homeschooling but more than likely, he would so most of it during the day. It really doesn't matter how the roles and responsibilities are divided and it will likely change many times. What matters is that you each feel good about how it works out. Your husbands ego is only as fragile as he allows it to be. I think we all can identify because each of us here has had to make some conscious decisions about how we define ourselves as men, husbands and providers. Judging from the large number of happy and contented men posting on this website, I believe that we've achieved success in those transitions.

Have your husband check this site out too and see what happens. Good luck

Rich
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homeschooling since '97: daughter, 18- away at college, son, 16 and daughter 13
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Seawind



Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 15
Location: PEI Canada

PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:37 pm    Post subject: Not at All Reply with quote

Hi There
Hope it is not to late to put in my 2 cents

As long as you are both happy with the arrangement, I think it will work fine. The only concern I have is that one of the partners has to have a secure income - before one of you starts quitting jobs. But it seems like you have that in place.
With your job and schedule, Hubby may simply take another part time job that suits him better, and he still contributes to the to the income and HS at the same time - like you do.

If your husband is OK with this decision, I would just launch out as long as he knows what he is getting into.
But please Remember- You can always make changes and new decisions down the road. The Good thing about HSing is that you can start at any time, and if need be - stop at any time. You are free to come back to the table to modify and
renegotiate anything as a family, to make this work better for everyone. A decision today is not forever.

At our house I help with Hsing for 2 month (Nov & Dec) And then am the only Designated HS person during Jan-April.

Oct 15- Mid April I am working part time. However, Mid April - Oct 15 I work 7 days a week 80-90 Hrs a week or more when fishing season opens here. So I earn enough money then so that I can relish being back to part time work in the winter to spend time with the kids HSing and still afford to do so.

Anyway, I don't take much lip about being the Mommy-Dad with the kids either. Anyone who knows me knows better than to go there.

Anyway, it sounds to me like your Hubby is ready to try it. Go ahead and start. What harm is there in taking this step when you have secure income. If down the road Hubby feels he is ready for a part time job to get out some. Well You can negotiate what will work best for you.
You are on the brink of some exciting decisions. Don't be afraid of them especially since you seem to have been blessed with some secure income no matter what you chose to do. Your will be throughly blessed because of your involvement in their education.
God Bless
Andy
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RB



Joined: 06 Apr 2006
Posts: 55

PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 9:14 pm    Post subject: I've Been Thinking... Reply with quote

I have been thinking about this post for awhile now. My apologies for the delay in responding.

You have several different issues going on at the same time.

No matter what choices you make, change is a time of adjustment and it isn't always smooth. Ah, the result can be so healthy and rewarding! But yes, it can be rocky, too. I learned the hard way that too much change at one time makes the adjustment more difficult. So, proceed with your eyes wide open and with a patient heart.

Rich is correct, as home schooling fathers we have to be strong in our self-identity. There have been challenges, from men who call me "the little woman" and "the house wife," to home schooling moms who are not comfortable having me in their home schooling group because I am a man. Your husband will have to want to do this. He'll need to be confident in how he looks at himself as a husband, a father, and a man.

Home schooling is more of a life style than something to do during the day. It will be a wonderfully rewarding, rich family experience for everyone who participates, but not necessarily right away. There is a period of adjustment for every one involved, especially the kids! You will learn your teaching styles, your childrens' learning styles, curriculum preferences, etc. Be patient!

If God has put home schooling in your heart, I highly encourage you to exlpore this life style. You can always come to this forum for ideas, suggestions, venting, or a laugh.

Good Luck!
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ez1119sm@knolgoy.net



Joined: 15 Oct 2006
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it appears that their is movement towards homeschooling. Homeschooling will be wonderful and challenging experience. The two of you must continue to share your honest feelings and fears. It's ok to say you don't have all the answers or know the end result. Because, you won't. The two of you will probably want to have a vision some goals. For example, a vision could be--The have our children in a secure educational environment, in which their God given talents can be forestered. Kind of corney however, the more I think about a vision statement the more it make sense.

Secondlly, please be realistic with how much homeschooling you will be able to do the "the working parent". Your desire to teach your children is natural and moments/opportunties in the normal course of life together willl allow you teach. However, it would be best if your husband assumes the responsibility for most of the schooling.

Also, you should connect with a homeschooling couple(seasoned), which can encourage and can hold the two of accountable.
Finally, homeschooling is not a 8-5 teaching duty. It is practically a lifestyle that you all will develop. You will encounter many philosophies about homeschooling. The one that is important is the one that works for you and your family. If your husband is willing to give it a go-go for it. Be patient with him and please give him a few hours every week to relax and do what it is he enjoys.

Thanks for your honesty and I hope it works out for you all
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ez1119sm@knolgoy.net



Joined: 15 Oct 2006
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 1:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh abouth the whole mr. Mom/ and other comments. I view people he say them as very ignorant. Your husband God given role and duties do not change if he stays at home.
He will find most people making comment such as "your baby sitting you kids" What a ridiculous comment. How can one baby sit their on children. Most of the time I politely correct the person making the statement, which provides an opportunity to educate them about homeschooling.

Most of the men I encounter at the very least, respect our decision for me to stay at home.

Take care.
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