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A Website for Fathers who Home School
 
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OK, i'll be the first to admit it...
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Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home School Dads Forum Index -> Mr. Mom Syndrome
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BigDaddy
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Posts: 148
Location: Orlando

PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:43 am    Post subject: OK, i'll be the first to admit it... Reply with quote

Yes, my wife brings home the paycheck in our household. Embarassed But when we first decided to homeschool, she earned more than I. Who said there was unequality between men and women in the workplace! Anyhow, I took on the task of homeschooling our 2 sons. Now, I have a greater respect for stay at home moms! I think it was much easier doing the 9-5 than it is teaching 2 boys and running the house.

Anybody else out there in the same position?
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Househusband



Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Arkansas

PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 5:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Initially, I was at home when our first was born after an accedent, and it quickly became obvious that I was much more suited to the job than my wife ( she has zero patience with little ones, she does much better running a buisness full of adults ) Heck, I majored in home econimics in college , this is right up my alley Smile

I have a few side things going to bring in a few bucks here and there, but I have to keep that activity to a minimum or it starts cutting into school time after all the time spent on shopping trips , chores etc

I've done alot of extremely strenuous and dangerous jobs in my life but NOTHING compares to the strain of being the fulltime house daddy. Aside from the usual house spouse chores ( cooking cleaning laundry shopping etc ), When the house or cars break, I have to fix those as well.
My wife may be bringing home the bacon, but she's living the life of Reilly, I don't know of any male head of household who has got away with doing as little around the house as she does... since Fred Flintstone Very Happy
_________________
---------Robert, father of Wolf 14 and Katarina 8...and Hauke 5.
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BigDaddy
Site Admin


Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Posts: 148
Location: Orlando

PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Robert, Welcome to the Homeschool Dads Community. I just started getting the word out so hopefully this will grow quickly. A few of my comments:

Househusband wrote:
I have a few side things going to bring in a few bucks here and there


What sort of things do you have going on the side? I have a little web design business and sell things on eBay.

Househusband wrote:
My wife may be bringing home the bacon, but she's living the life of Reilly, I don't know of any male head of household who has got away with doing as little around the house as she does... since Fred Flintstone Very Happy


I know what you mean. My wife doesn't feel she should have to do anything at all around the house. Yet, after we've discussed this, if the rolls were reversed I'd still have to take care of the yard, the pool, the garbage, and any other "man" things.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been staying home for a little over two years now. My youngest son is 2 1/2. The next oldest is soon to be 12. I have a 13, 14, 16, & 19 year old also.

I've been staying home because my wife made more than me. This is a second marriage for both of us, and our young son is the result of a tubal reversal. We decided at the time that my wife had the surgery that if we were fortunate enough to have a baby, one of us would stay home. I was working as a library director in our small community, and she does medical transcription at a hospital in Des Moines. She had the money and benefits, and I was the more natural choice to stay home for my parental abilities and patience as well.

We decided in the last couple of months that I would home school my youngest and in the last week, we've come to the conclusion that my 14-year-old needs to be taken out of public school and homeschooled also. She is failing most of her classes (she's always struggled) and the school will undoubtably send her on to high school. They're on spring break this week, and I've been doing some placement testing with her. So far we've done math and language arts and she was struggling in math at the 3rd -4th grade level and language arts was 4th - 5th grade level.

On the Mr. Mom front, my biggest strength is probably my relationship with the biggest kids. My weakness - housework and organization. I'm working on both. Fortunately, my older children can help. I also have a wife who is extremely supportive and even if the house is in bad shape, she doesn't say anything. She says as long as the kids are happy and the bills are paid on time, she's content.

I do work some on the side. I'm no longer the director at the library, but I do a few hours a week on the side for some spending money. I also work 20-25 hours a month at a dancenter chain in our area as the office manager. This is barter thing for the most part. I have a daughter in a couple of dance classes, another taking gymnastics, my little guy does a little gymnastics class and my wife is taking a dance class. We wouldn't be able to afford all of these classes, so this is a good arrangement for us. I am also currently helping out at City Hall doing payroll, accounts payable and a few other tasks. The city clerk is a friend of mine, and she has to be off for a couple of months for a stem cell transplant, so I'm doing this to help her out.

That's my life in general, I guess. I'm looking forward to getting to know some other homeschool dads and learning from those with more experience.

-Todd
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homeschooldaddy



Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 3:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi dads!

I've been a stay-at-home dad now for a bit over 5 years. We have 3 children; ages 6, 5, & 3. My 6 yr old daughter I'm homeschooling in 1st grade. The 5 yr old has some pretty severe learning disablities associated with a disease known as Neuro Fibromatosis (Von Recklinghausen's disease) and I am working through the public school system to get help breaking through to him. The 3 yr old sits back and observes it all with enthusiastic interest. Shocked

Before taking on this big job of housedad, I was working on my Masters in History; hoping to land a teaching job at a junior college or something. Meanwhile my wife was working at the university computer lab as a secretary/general gopher for the Network Administrator. He had the bright idea to train her in Network Admin. She studied to be a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer and, lo and behold, a year later she had a resume worth 3 times her current salary. She quickly got a job with a salary I couldn't hope to attain before earning a doctorate and teaching full time.

So, when children came along, she quickly reminded me of our earlier commitment that our children would be raised with a parent in-house and that we would also explore the possibility of homeschooling. I never thought that agreement would mean me! Embarassed

But, things did work out for the best. My dreams were to teach. I am teaching. And it so happens it's the people I love most in this world; my children. She, on the other hand, is not so comfortable with the housewife duties and loves computers. So she's fitted right in where her best potential is put to work. Also, I love to cook and I love to eat good food. She hates to cook and doesn't do it well. If we're going to have good meals, it will be me making them. So that definitely worked out for the best.

I haven't quite figured out the whole cleaning thing. I can keep the kitchen straight for the most part. But those things like dusting that seems to come natural to a woman is totally foreign to me. I don't dust. My wife grudgingly does it when she can't stand it anymore. It's not that I refuse to do it. I just don't think about it. But I do manage to get the laundry done. She still runs the sewing machine and I'm still the mechanical handyman when things around the house need repair. So we have a pretty good arrangement.

I am working part time in the evenings as a custodian for a local bank. It's about 15 hrs a week and we use it mostly to pad our savings account. It gets me out of the house every night so I kind of like the arrangement. I only see my boss about twice a month (paydays) and have the bank all to myself every night. And banks are generally clean to begin with, so it's not a difficult job.

I felt a bit humiliated to be a custodian with a Masters degree. But we live in a college town. And I recently heard that there are bus drivers with PhDs in this town. So that made me feel a little better. It's not that I don't think I could put my degree to work. It's just not practical to think I could take on a teaching position, preparing lectures and all that, and still manage what I do at home. The cleaning job is very lowkey and takes little of my time. I usually go in around 8 pm as the kiddies are off to bed and I work until 11 pm or thereabouts. It doesn't affect the lifestyle all that much.

Well, that's my intro and my thoughts on the whole homeschool dad experience. I definitely have a new respect for housewives these past 5 yrs. It's not an easy job. And dads who come home and plop on the couch after their day's work and expect to be served by their wives, thinking that they've been home all day not working, ought to think twice. It's a long day. And it doesn't magically come to an end at 5 pm.

Cheers,
Lynn (homeschooldaddy)
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello All!

I've been homeschooling our 7 year old son (spencer) in grade 2 for the last 6 months or so now. When we moved down from Canada we decided that the only way we could make things work was if one of us stayed home. Previously we were both working as proffessionals in C.A. (cdn equivalent to CPA) firms. The hours and travel were killing us and we found that the money just didn't make it worth while.

My wife really enjoys working more than I did so when she found a job with a Ft. Lauderdale CPA firm i volunteered to stay home and educate Spence. Since I don't have a work visa I haven't been doing anything on the side.

The arrangement has really worked out. Since we arrived here we've spent 3 weeks in Cocoa Beach and a week in Orlando on her firms dime. Plus Spencer is learning at a way better pace than he ever did in school.

We're normally schooling in the morning and out at the pool, beach, park or geocaching in the afternoon.

I really have no complaints regarding doing the housework or anything. A homeschooling mom pointed out www.flylady.net to me which has helped me to get organized.

Great Idea for a website! Look forward to exchanging experiences with all the other Dad's out there!

James

www.jmdahl.blogspot.com - we keep a log of our day to day activities here
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TheFlea



Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Ft. Lauderdale

PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 1:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ooops, thought I was logged in for that last post but evidently was not!

The username is courtesy of my boy who is a big mucha lucha fan...

James

www.jmdahl.blogspot.com
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Treeman



Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey guys,

I'm probably in the minority here. I'm a single dad with four kids, attempting to homeschool two of them. My thirteen year old is in a Christian private school and the two year old isn't in school yet. I also run a small home-based business. Its hard to believe how fast the days go by sometimes.

I'll try to check in here often. Hopefully we can help each other.

God bless,

Brett
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Treeman wrote:
Hey guys,

I'm probably in the minority here. I'm a single dad with four kids, attempting to homeschool two of them. My thirteen year old is in a Christian private school and the two year old isn't in school yet. I also run a small home-based business. Its hard to believe how fast the days go by sometimes.

I'll try to check in here often. Hopefully we can help each other.

God bless,

Brett


Hi Brett,

You a minority?? More like a miracle!! You're single with 4 kids, homeschooling and running a business?? I'm awed!!
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Househusband



Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Arkansas

PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BigDaddy wrote:

What sort of things do you have going on the side? I have a little web design business and sell things on eBay


I have a recording studio where I take on occasional projects, mostly old time folk music and some radio commercials. I have soundproofed the daylights out of the place and rigged it where I can watch the kids at the same time.
I also do some car repair, mostly Volvos.. That I do in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping. That is my sanity time, nobody needing anything, just tinker and listen to the crickets owls and frogs...Ahhhhh Smile

----------Robert
_________________
---------Robert, father of Wolf 14 and Katarina 8...and Hauke 5.
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chan58



Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 18
Location: Baltimore, MD

PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First I want to say to all who have written before me - NOT WORTHY! I cannot believe the loads some of you are handling.

As for me, my wife holds the ship together financially, spiritually and food--- atively. She is a saint. She has two older children (23 and 25) for whom I have been stepdad for about 15 years. The older daughter has made us grandparents twice over. Anyway... enough said about that. About 6 years ago I began talking about wanting my own children, and, at nearly 40 years old, she actually agreed to go along with it. Little did she know I was packing a double-barrel. Our twin boys are now almost 6.

As we began to potty-train the boys, we had to learn a whole new vocabulary to describe the volume of yellow rain being showerd on the walls, tile, ceiling and fixtures of the newly-remodeled bathroom. Idea I suggested we install a urinal. Once again, my wife went along with the program, and our bathroom is now the talk of the neighborhood.

Two years ago, my wife let me leave my well-paying job as program director for a software development firm to start my own tech firm. Failing at this, I then made the natural transition into watching the boys. She resisted at first, but then came to love the effect a stay-at-home parent had on the boys. After having survived a steady progression of mediocre nannies, it was just what the boys (and the house) needed. Gone are the days of returning to a house-destroyed.

I do most of the houeswork, such as it is in a house that is 75% under construction. My wife comes home after a stressful day and makes us all dinner. SEE?! NOT WORTHY! On the weekends, she makes outright gourmet meals.

My wife makes great money, so we feel very fortunate. It enables me to spend all my off-time remodeling. The boys both got A's in Drywall 101.

I occasionally work at home doing freelance tech-writing for her firm, and last year I went to the middle east for 3 months to support one of their military applications. Quite an experience, although the boys did fall behind. Amazing how quickly they catch up.

I'm looking forward to sharing ideas and stories about schooling.

I just wanted to say -

a) my wife is a saint, and
b) you guys are inspiring


Jim Chandler
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

By the time my first child was six months old, it was obvious to my wife and I that I was better than she at child raising and that she was better at 9-5 work. I'ld been earning the majority of our income as an independant contract programmer, and she'ld just finished her masters. It took about another six months to stabilize things, and I've been the houseparent ever since. I've done occasional programming and consulting work since, but that's declined as each of the subsequent two children came along. As a houseparent, the children's needs come first, and my own pursuits fall to lower priorities.

After eight years of homeschooling we're rather wild and wooly unschoolers. I've got a 15yod, an 8yos, and a 3yos. Whereas it's quite a little circus to juggle, I find that the older children delight in teaching their younger siblings, so the push for learning goes on, even if I am temporarily occupied with other projects.

Paul
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ml20pfeiffer



Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 11:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello to each Dad!

I have been a stay-at-home dad for 6 years now. I have been homeschooling for 3 years. My wife, Beth, and I have 2 children, Rachel 8 and Ryan 6. I was previously a public school teacher, teaching biology and chemistry. My wife is a pharmacist, so you do the math. I have the bachground, patience, and cannot even begin to make what she does. We felt very strongly about homeschooling even before our children were born, it was just the little things like who would do the teaching that was fuzzy. Our biggest reasons for homeschooling have been and still are to build special relationships with our children, to model and help them build a personal relationship with Jesus, and to be able to explore what God has to offer us in this world while learning.

All of that said, it is very difficult sometimes. I have definitely struggled over the years with feeling like a "real" man being a stay-at -home dad. I know how important this job is and I would not want to turn it over to anyone else, but there are still many doubts about myself at times. That is why I am thankful for things such as this website. Just knowing I am not the only one out there doing this helps!

I am also encouraged and astounded at what some of you other dads are doing. You are truly and inspiration! I do take care of all the schooling, cleaning, cooking, yardwork, car repair, and house repairs. Most of the time I really don't mind. Most of the time! My wife does help some when she is off, but her schedule is really crazy most of the time.

One thing that I have recently found to be one of the most rewarding things about homeschooling is the opportunity to teach our children about some of the things that I love, such as hunting and fishing. I am already beginning to see how this is another way to spend time with our kids and create some very special memories.

I also try to work a little outside the home. I try to buy one house a year that is in need of major repairs. I fix them up, then rent them out. It takes me about 4 to 6 months to finish each house. I then rent out the houses. I currently have two rentals and hope to be buying my third this coming month.

I look forward to reading more encouraging messages!

Matt(ml20pfeiffer)
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edtheredhead



Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Posts: 81
Location: Northwest PA

PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 11:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just want to start out by saying how much I appreciate this website. I have felt so isolated and lonely since I quit my job to start homeschooling last August.

My wife is a physican (family doctor) and I was working as a life insurance underwriter & doing computer programming for my boss as well. After we looked at schools, we were pretty frustrated and we decided to homeschool. As she made 5x as much money as I did & I have better skills for homeschooling, it was a pretty easy decision as to which of us was going to stay home.

I have now started my own business doing computer programming & consulting. We generally homeschool in the morning, and then my daughter either goes to a babysitter in the afternoon (M-W-F) or she has gymnastics lessons (T-TH). My wife and I pretty much split the household chores, but she ALWAYS cooks. If you tasted my cooking, you'd understand.

I've really struggled with being isolated & feeling like I'm all alone. I looked into the local hs coop, but i wasn't impressed with what I found.

Anyhow, I just want to introduce myself and say thanks again for starting this website.
_________________
Ed
Married to Margaret (1996)
1 daughter Belinda (1999)
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bartii



Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 180
Location: Boise, ID

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My name is Bart. I have been homeschooling for almost eight years. When I take my sons to their P.E. classes I am the only male there(99%) of the time. When I take my sons on field trips most of the time I am the only male. Even though I can talk to the moms about how they are handling certain instances the emotional aspect of the women are different to mine, so at times we don't relate.

I write for for the stay at home dad and homeschool dad sections at www.fatherville.com but the homeschool traffic isn't as large as I would like to see it. So, I am excited about this website.

I have a nine year old and almost eleven year old. I hope to learn from all of you.
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